he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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