I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
