How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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