carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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