There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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