if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
