Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
