You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
