You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
