What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Farmville is her only friend.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
