haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
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