she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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