There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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