That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
