I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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