Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
