Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
