I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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