the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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