Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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