on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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