honey bunches of taint.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
