Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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