I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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