I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
