What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
