She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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