You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
