My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
