Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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