Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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