I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
