When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
