she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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