morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
