Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
