Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
