Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
