last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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