hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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