I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
if only i could text you this smell
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
