Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Sext me about skeletons
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
