so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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