We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
