she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
