Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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