Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
