I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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