I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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