At least make sure they are 18
Why
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Pants are for mortals
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
