You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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