Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
