Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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