Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
